


Truth Amid Fantasy

by narayu



Series: Until I met you. [5]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Captain Swan - Freeform, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-03
Updated: 2013-12-12
Packaged: 2018-01-03 08:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1068326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narayu/pseuds/narayu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Memories Between Dreams. After finding out her dream world was a reality and coming face to face with Killian Jones for the first time while awake, Emma Swan is frustrated to find that he doesn't remember meeting her in her dreams. Or does he? Continuing the theme of Memories Between Dreams but following the story arc from season 2 and season 3 (and perhaps beyond).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Shit, this isn't real, this isn't real. Figment of your imagination, remember? Not real,_ Emma's subconscious chanted in the back of her mind. But hadn't she said the same thing about fairy tales and places like the Enchanted Forest? People like Snow White and Prince Charming? People who ended up being her parents, and a place where she'd traveled to via a portal in a  _hat_ made by none other than the Mad Hatter and where she'd already faced a damn ogre? It was all real, everything in the book, and apparently everything in a dream world she'd visited as she grew up. Including Killian Jones.

 _Shit._ The recognition passed over his face for a fleeting moment, so fast she thought maybe she'd imagined it. They helped him out of the rubble and over to a table while she and Mulan fetched some water. She didn't know how to approach this situation. If she confronted him in front of her mother and the other two women she'd have to explain everything, and she wasn't sure she was ready for that. And what if he denied knowing her, its not like she could convince anyone she'd ever been here before. So she could pretend she was seeing him for the first time, go on with it as if she  _was_ seeing him for the first time, and proceed with the plan to get back home.

She noticed his hook was missing, and when he began to tell them of how Cora had massacred the village in his shaky weak voice, she decided to play along... mostly. She questioned him and he lied to her, she could see it in his face. She knew if he  _did_ recognize her, he would know that. If he didn't, she'd just have to explain it.

"I'm gonna let you in on a little secret," she confided while leaning down against the table so her face was mere inches from his. To his credit, he didn't flinch or show any signs of fear or recollection. "I'm pretty good at knowing when someone is lying to me."

He swore he was telling the truth, and she smiled sweetly at him to drive it home, seeing the nearly imperceptible twitch at the corner of his mouth and she straightened herself up while her mother continued speaking. 

Killian was offering to be their guide when Emma made her move, holding the dagger to his throat, feeling rather than hearing the increase in his heart rate and in his breathing. His eyes widened and met hers with a silent plea but she was done playing nice for now.

When he was securely tied to the tree, he continued to feign innocence, insisting that he was just a blacksmith and had no idea what they were talking about. Aurora was feeling sorry for him, thinking maybe Emma's radar was off, but the ogres were getting closer and she knew with 100% certainty that she was  _not_ wrong about him. So they walked away, and her breath hitched in her throat when she heard his voice again, this time the confident tone she had grown to love over the years, calling out behind them.

"Good for you, you bested me." he sneered and she stopped in her tracks to reward herself with a private grin before turning back toward the man she thought she knew, still not quite sure what he was up to. "I can count the amount of people who've done that on one hand."

She rolled her eyes and approached him again, making sure she had his attention. She was frustrated by the lack of any sign that he knew her, she was sure he knew it was her. She hadn't changed  _that much_ in ten years. Unless maybe he was under some curse here, or maybe a memory spell.

When he introduced himself as Killian Jones - even though she had known all along - she felt her heart pound in her chest. He said most people knew him by Hook and Mary Margaret was evidently one of the people who had indeed heard of a man by that moniker. It clicked for her then.  _Captain Hook_ as in Peter Pan...

"Oh, so you've heard of me." he said when she spoke her thoughts out loud, sounding delighted by the idea and she met his eyes with intensity, hoping she could convey her awareness onto him, but his gaze didn't change. 

He told them about Cora's plans, swore allegiance to Emma and the other women instead, vowed to help them get back to Storybrooke if they'd take him with them, and when she asked why she heard a familiar answer, a familiar half-truth.

"To exact revenge on the man who took my hand, Rumplestiltskin." he growled, and she wanted to know more, to know the other half of the story, the part that he hadn't told her the day she'd asked over 12 years ago, the part he wasn't telling now. Instead, they untied him and allowed him to lead they way to a location where they would apparently find a magic compass to guide them back home.

\---

 _You've got to be kidding me,_ she thought when they reached the beanstalk. The beanstalk from Jack and the Beanstalk, the beanstalk they apparently had to climb  _and_ get past a giant in order to retrieve the compass. Killian -  _Hook,_ she reminded herself - corrected her knowledge of the story before revealing that the beanstalk was enchanted to keep out intruders and he only had two counter spells.

Despite the protests of the other women, Emma volunteered to go. It was her son she needed to get back to and she was sure she wouldn't fail. She also wanted to be alone with Killian long enough to determine if he did in fact remember her. She retrieved sleeping powder from Mulan to use on the giant and marched over to Killian so he could give her the cuff containing the counter spell.

He raised an eyebrow and gave her a familiar smirk before placing the cuff on her wrist, his fingers lingering just long enough for her to feel a tingling sensation against her skin and she wasn't sure if it was from the magic or from his touch. What she was sure of was that he noticed it too. Something crossed his face for a moment before it was gone, he was too good at covering up his reactions and his emotions, but she had found a crack in the mask and silently vowed to use it to her advantage.

It was going to be a long climb.


	2. Chapter 2

He was trying so hard to get her to talk to him, when what she really wanted was for _him_ to talk, to admit that he recognized her, that he knew her. And frankly, climbing the beanstalk was difficult enough, she didn't need to add small talk to it.

"You're something of an open book." he was telling her, but the things he knew about her would only be perceptive if he didn't know her, and if he _did_ know her, well - he was just reciting things she'd already told him. He knew she was an orphan, knew from the first time they met when she was barely old enough to know what the word meant. He knew she had a son from the conversations he'd surely overheard just hours before climbing the beanstalk. But the next question caught her off guard.

"Have you ever even been in love?" he asked with an intensity she wasn't sure she'd seen in him before and she was taken aback, for the first time wondering if he really was the man she'd met in her dreams, or if that man was just a copy of the Killian before her now. She wanted to tell him yes, to remind him of Neal, to remind him of the time she'd kissed him when believing there was something between them. But if he truly wasn't the man she remembered, if he truly didn't remember her the way she remembered him, then she had to treat him as any other stranger and if he _was_ a stranger, she wouldn't trust him with her vulnerabilities.

"No," she said with a sad smile, "I've never been in love." and they continued the climb.

When they reached the top of the beanstalk, Emma was struck by the severity of the massacre that had taken place there. She walked through it in a daze before cool metal was around her wrist pulling her toward him. She had cut her hand on the beanstalk and he was telling her that giants can smell blood before tending to the wound. She thought she saw something in his eyes then as he wrapped the scarf gently around her hand, pulling it tight with his teeth. If he recognized her, he covered it up with shameless flirting but something caught her eye and she blinked at his arm, breaking herself from whatever spell she'd succumbed to in his eyes.

"Who's Milah, on the tattoo?" she asked, her gaze resting on the inked heart on his forearm, there was a dagger through it and a banner across it where the name rested. His whole demeanor changed as he pulled down his sleeve to cover the reminder of some woman, someone she'd never heard of before during her visits to the enchanted forest.

When he looked up at her again, his eyes were guarded and his tone cool. The flirting and teasing manner that he had used up until this point had vanished and he brushed by her as it all clicked into place. _This_ was the other part of his half-truth, the part that had been a lie by omission. Milah was the woman Killian had loved. _Not you,_ a selfish voice inside her mind taunted, but she pushed it back.

"Rumplestiltskin, he took more than your hand from you didn't he?" she asked and he turned to her again, his face hard. "That's why you wanna kill him." the last part was a statement rather than a question and she saw him nod slightly.

"For someone who's never been in love, you're quite perceptive aren't you?" he asked without a hint of humor, they weren't playing anymore.

She wanted to tell him he could have told her about it twelve years ago, she wanted to tell him she would have understood. She wanted to ask why he didn't _trust_ her, and yell at him for pushing her away all those years ago. But she couldn't. It wasn't time to reveal herself, but maybe she could give him a hint.

"Maybe I was, once" she paused making sure to meet his eyes pointedly "or twice." she said in barely a whisper and his face softened but he said nothing, just waited for her to walk forward before they turned together to catch themselves a giant.

"I don't mean to upset you, Emma" he called from the ground minutes later," but I think we make quite the team." and she looked from him to the passed out giant and felt something tighten in her chest as she remembered a similar statement from a long time ago.

* * *

  _'How old are you, Miss Swan?' he asked her with a kind smile one day when they were walking through the Enchanted Forest of her dreams._

_'I'm six and three quarters.' she told him, bouncing along the path as though she hadn't a trouble in the world, because here in this place it seemed that she didn't… though she was a bit hungry._

_'Killian, is there anything to eat around here?' she asked him and waited expectantly for what she hoped was a yes._

_'Aye, little lass, the trees here are ripe with the juiciest fruits you can imagine, but I'll need your help to get them.' he told her._

_'Because you can't climb because you only have one hand?' she asked him innocently, and then wondered if that was one of those questions you weren't supposed to ask adults._

_'Exactly so, love. So I will show you the trees and help you up and you can throw the fruit down to me so I can catch it and make sure it doesn't fall on the ground and bruise.' he explained._

_'Got it!' she replied, excited about the idea of climbing and especially about the idea of eating fresh fruit, which she never got at home._

_After she had climbed two different trees and thrown down at least ten each of apples and peaches, he called up and told her it was time to enjoy them. She peered over the side of the branch that she was sitting on and he grinned up at her._

_'You know, Emma, I think we make quite the team.' he mused and she had to agree._

* * *

She recovered from the memory quickly and gave him a sideways glance, hoping he hadn't caught her hesitation. They entered the giant's home, and were met with piles of treasure along every wall, and when Hook walked a little too close to a trip wire Emma grabbed him and pulled him back into her.

"It's about bloody time," he said in a low voice, wrapping his arms tight around her and she once again saw something pass across his face that she wanted to believe was recognition, a fleeting memory, something, before it was gone. Every inch of her body that was touching his was acutely aware of the contact, even with heavy leather between them. She searched his eyes for a moment too long before pushing against his chest to - reluctantly - free herself from his arms.

She pointed out the trip wire and he made a joke about her not needing to pretend if she wanted to touch him. For just a second she thought she _did_ want to touch him. But she was still angry with him, and she still didn't know if this was all an act.

"Let's find the compass and go home." she said, and he merely nodded before they continued their search.


	3. Chapter 3

The treasure room was enormous and Emma found herself doubting their chances of finding this legendary compass. Hook was pocketing coins as he looked, wondering aloud how much treasure they'd be able to carry with them. She rolled her eyes, he really was a pirate and for some reason she was endlessly amused by how evident that was here.

When he asked her for a boost to look at the top of a large cage, Emma immediately denied him, still not sure she believed his allegiances had changed. The last thing she wanted was for him to grab the compass and return it to Cora, leaving her at the top of the beanstalk with the damn giant. Standing next to him in front of the cage he looked at her with frustration.

"Try something new darling, it's called trust." he told her, and she reminded herself that she  _had_ trusted him, for years. This was the same man, whether he remembered her or not, and she truly felt that she could trust him, but something was holding her back. There wasn't time to dwell on the true identity of Killian Jones or Captain Hook or whoever he was, however, because the giant chose that moment to barge in. Apparently magic knockout powder lasted roughly fifteen minutes. She watched as Killian instinctively reached out toward her, whether or not his intention was to protect her she wasn't quite sure, but they began running side by side trying to avoid the monster of a man that was heading their way. 

"Quickly, get under something." he called to her as they ran, but as the giant lumbered toward them, the earth shook under their feet causing the foundation of the building to crumble, and heavy stones fell from the ceiling... right on top of her pirate accomplice.

"Hook!" she screamed, and momentarily realized this was the first time she'd used his moniker since he introduced himself to her and the other women. Her stomach dropped when he didn't reply but she didn't have time to consider his fate before the giant was on her heels, grabbing her and squeezing the life out of her. She felt the pressure first as it gradually increased and turned to pain, then she felt the burning in her lungs as her body tried and failed to pull more oxygen in. Her vision began to blur and she knew it would only be moments before she lost consciousness. She bit down on the giant's hand as hard as she could and he let go of her in shock, allowing her to tumble from his grasp and land on his shoe. 

After trapping him in his own cage and threatening him until she got the compass, she turned to get Killian and go. The giant broke free, but instead of attacking her as she expected, he showed her a way out, and she asked for a second favor.

"What do you want?" Anton asked her, and she knew she was pressing her luck, but she needed to make sure she wasn't going to be betrayed to Cora.

"I need you to keep my friend distracted." she said quietly, feeling guilty already.

"What? You're not taking him with you?" the giant questioned and she wasn't even sure she knew how to explain her plan to him, but she needed his help.

"There's something... different about him," she began "I'm not sure I can trust him. I just need you to keep him here for ten hours, just long enough for me to get a head start."

Anton didn't look any less puzzled, but at the end he agreed to keep Hook in the treasure room for ten hours, and Emma thanked him. She felt mixed emotions wash over her, part relief, part guilt, part apprehension. But she needed to give herself and Mary Margaret their best chance of escaping the Enchanted Forest, and she wasn't sure there was a better way than this.

"You are bloody brilliant, amazing!" Killian exclaimed as she helped him out of the rubble. Emma showed him the compass and after she had placed it safely back into the pocket of her red leather jacket, he held his hand out to her so they could leave. She looked at it for a moment before placing her own hand in his and she felt the unmistakeable surge of energy that passed between them, causing her to release an involuntary gasp. When she looked at his face there was a hint of a smile, and a bit of wonder there. He had felt it too. She almost abandoned her plan right there, but she couldn't risk it, not with Henry at home waiting for her, not with Mary Margaret, Mulan, and Aurora expecting her to return with the compass. With her resolve hardened, she clasped the chains around his good wrist, the one her fingertips had been resting against seconds before.

He looked down in confusion before standing up to face her and Emma thought her heart was going to beat out of her chest.

"What are you doing?" he asked her, and his face displayed a range of emotions from bewilderment to agitation to hurt and the brokenness of it startled her. She knew why she was doing it, but then why did it feel so  _wrong?_

"Hook, I - I can't -" she started, failing to find the words, unsure of why it was so damn hard for her to do what she thought was right when it coincided with leaving him here. She knew he wasn't in danger, knew Anton would keep his promise.  _You're trusting a giant you just met over someone you've known since you were 5,_ said a voice in the back of her head, and she pushed it out of her mind.

"Emma, look at me." he whispered and she obliged, regretting it immediately when she saw the look on his face. "Have I told you a lie?" 

The truth was, he  _had_ told her a lie. He had told it to her years ago, had repeated it earlier that day. Not lies, but half-truths, and really wasn't it the same thing? He was right, the compass was in her care now, if there had been a time to betray him, it should have been as soon as the cuff was on her wrist. Now it was - what - a last ditch effort to ignore the man she'd grown up loving? Out of sight, out of mind? 

"I can't take a chance that I'm wrong about you." she breathed before she could stop the words from escaping her lips. The statement said so much, and if he was the same man from her dreams, he would know that. She couldn't be wrong about who he was, about knowing him. 

* * *

_'I just don't want to take a chance on happiness again and be disappointed.' Emma told Killian as they walked along their usual path, holding hands. She was 13 and she had heard a rumor that her current foster family was considering adopting her. It was just a rumor, and while Andrew - another foster child in the same home - had not been lying about the information, that didn't mean whoever told him was telling the truth._

_Killian looked at her thoughtfully before speaking. He did that a lot and she'd come to know the look as one that meant he was deciding on the best way to say something._

_'Well, lass, if there's one thing I've gleaned over the years, it's that there's always hope. Even when hope seems lost.' he said finally, in an almost sad voice._

_Emma was struck by the feeling that she was being selfish, always talking about her own problems while Killian listened. They rarely talked about him, and he was clearly hurting right now._

_'What's bothering you?' she demanded before she could stop herself or think of a gentler way of asking. He stopped walking, forcing her to stop as well since they were holding hands, and just stared at her._

_'Whatever do you mean, love?' he asked quizzically, and his eyes were wary on hers, as if he was afraid to give too much away._

_'I just - you seem upset, and I just thought if you want to talk about it...' she trailed off, watching his face but he gave nothing away._

_After a few moments he let out a quiet sigh._

_'I have a plan in the works, something I've been working on for a long time. It's just that sometimes it feels like I've come so far, and yet - I don't feel much closer to the end.' it was the most honest thing she'd ever heard from him that was not a joke. He released her hand and reached up to rub a finger behind his ear, something he often did when he was considering something. 'Ah, well, don't you worry about me, Swan. I've been in much tighter binds before.' he told her with a wink as they continued on their way._

* * *

 

He was angry that she was leaving him there, assuming she was leaving him to his death, not knowing about the deal she made with the giant. 

"He's not a beast," she said in reply to his accusations, "and you're  _not_ going to die." He looked so lost in that moment, and she made a snap decision to test him, needing to know the truth.

"I have a plan in the works," she said, watching his face carefully for any change. "It's just that sometimes it feels like I've come so far, and yet -" she saw the anger give way to something else, and she paused as he opened his mouth to say something but then closed it again. She shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry." she muttered before turning to leave.

"and yet..." he breathed quietly and her heart stopped and her breath caught in her throat. Her back was still to him and she was certain he could see the tensing of her shoulders at the two words. Two words that could be nothing more than repetition of what she had just said, or two words that meant recognition of something said long ago. She counted the seconds in her head, hearing nothing but his breathing behind her. When she got to number seven he spoke again.

"I don't feel much closer to the end."


	4. Chapter 4

Her breathing was erratic and her heartbeat was too loud to be natural. She could hear the chains moving slightly behind her. She turned slowly, warily, and Killian was watching her with wide-eyed curiosity. He was standing as though he had been reaching out for her but then thought better of it, arm half-raised, one leg in front of the other. His mouth was open but whatever words he was planning on saying had died before passing his lips.

She took a step toward him, her face guarded, her movements cautious and watched with some surprise as he took a step backwards, as though he was recoiling from her approach. Something crossed his features that screamed uncertainty and she stopped her progress.

"You remember." she whispered, but it came out as more of a question than a statement and his eyes darted back and forth, searching hers. His mouth twisted into a sinister smile that gave her pause.

"What trickery is this, Swan?" he spat at her "You have access to thoughts in my mind, words long since forgotten, why?"

Emma was taken aback. He _didn't_ remember. Or he did, but not the way she did. 

"Words that _you_ said." she insisted flatly and his eyes widened and then narrowed, his expression hardening and his mouth becoming a thin, grim line. 

"Yes. But to whom?" he asked and she thought maybe the answer in her mind was not the same as the one in his, and while she knew this question was a test of some sort, she was sure he was not going to like the answer.

"To me." she replied in a small voice and the shock and disbelief were clear as day on his face. He re affixed his angry mask moments later and she used the crack in his armor as an opening and took a few steps closer so that she was now just at arm's length. "Fifteen years ago you said them to _me_ , Killian." He flinched so violently at her words that she might as well have smacked him.

"You don't get to call me that, Swan." he said,  her last name sounding like a curse and she cringed at the sound. She was irritated, he was acting like a child. If he would just talk to her, maybe she could explain.

"It's how you introduced yourself to me, Hook." she returned with the same bitterness. She paused and said more gently: "The first time."

Something changed in his eyes. Whatever defenses he'd been upholding were fading little by little and what remained was overwhelming weariness. Killian Jones looked  _tired._

Something about the new look in his eyes was startlingly familiar and Emma feels the cold tendrils of fear creeping up her spine.

"Killian." she murmured and his eyes snapped to hers. She saw in them a mixture of agony and desperation, as though he was on the verge of something and yet it still remained out of reach. He was looking at her but not focused on her and she took a step closer, close enough that she could lift her hand to his chest. He flinched but didn't back away.

"Killian," she said again with more determination, "do you still have a heart?" she asked in barely a whisper and the pain that flitted across his eyes was devastating. He looked down at her hand against his chest, where his heart should be. She could feel the beating of it, but knew from experience that just because she feels what should be there, doesn't mean that it is.

His gaze flickered to the hook attached to his left arm and Emma knew she'd unearthed something that was meant to stay hidden, at least from her. The understanding that hit her in that moment was staggering. 

"Milah." Emma breathed and he didn't move, didn't look back up at her, didn't even register that she'd said it. For a moment she thought he'd stopped breathing. "Killian, what  _happened?"_

Before her trip to the Enchanted Forest, the only person Emma thought capable of ripping out someone's heart was Regina. In the last 24 hours she'd learned that Regina and her mother had both learned that particular trick from the Dark One, Rumplestiltskin, Mr. Gold. And now, Emma was starting to understand Killian's need for revenge. But that didn't explain why he couldn't remember, why he had the same look in his eyes that she had seen in Graham's before Regina had made sure his eyes never looked at Emma again. 

"Killian." she said a third time, harsher, louder, snapping him out of whatever trance he'd fallen into. "Do you have your heart? Or does Cora?" she demanded, needing to know what she was dealing with. 

The helpless look in his eyes was heartbreaking when he finally opened his mouth to respond.

"I don't know." he muttered dejectedly, and he shook his head in defeat.

Emma dropped her hand from his chest and wrapped it around his good hand. She leaned into him and looked intently into his eyes. She was sure she'd never seen him look so vulnerable and raw, and from what she knew about Killian, or Hook, or whoever he really was, it wasn't a look he wore often.

What she intended on doing was probably a terrible idea, but she had to be sure her gut was right and there was only one way she knew how to test that theory. So she kissed him. Just like before in her dreams so many years ago, everything froze and time seemed to stand still. He didn't respond at first but slowly he began to relax, kissing her back gently, but it didn't last. All too soon she felt him tense and he gasped against her mouth. 

When she pulled away his eyes were wide open in shock and she felt tears prick at the back of her own eyes. Her fears had been confirmed.

"Emma?" he whispered and her throat tightened as she held back a sob, the recognition was in his eyes for a moment before he lost it again, and he looked at her in bewilderment. He looked so lost.

She was shaking her head and backing away when he reached out to her. She could see the panic in his eyes. "I'm sorry." she whispered again.

"You're sorry?" he hissed. "I got you here, I got you the compass!" 

She stopped and gave him an apologetic look, but she couldn't trust him, not now, not when she didn't know for sure who controlled him. Maybe he was in control of his own actions now, maybe not, but someone had the potential to control him at a whim - probably Cora - and she couldn't risk putting her family in danger, not when she just found them.

" _I_ got the compass." Emma corrected and she stopped him before he could make another attempt at reasoning with her. "I just need a head start, that's all." and she turned to leave.

He was struggling against the chains, she could hear them rattling behind her but she didn't dare turn back. If she did he'd see the tears rolling down her face and he'd try to convince her she was making a mistake - and she might believe him.

She heard him call her name, three times he called after her, but she didn't look back. Anton would keep his promise, and Hook would be following her in ten hours - that she was sure of. What she didn't know was whether or not he'd have Cora with him.

_Your move._  She thought. And somehow she knew Cora would get the message.

 


End file.
